Cancer.

What does it feel like” you wonder “To the hear the words “Your (precious family member) has cancer?”

It’s awful. It’s miserable. It makes you feel like there’s this big black hole nestled under your ribcage. It makes an exaustiing day even more tiring, for there is almost nothing worst than hearing the word ‘cancer’.

It means more than a growth of rouge cells trying to make more of themselves faster than your body can fix the issue. Because the word can mean so much more.

It means pain and suffering and mutilation. It’s a word that drips with poison and darkness and death. It means loss and misery and so many other things.

Because when you hear the word ‘cancer’ you hear the word ‘terminal’.

*November, 2016*
“Why are we going to the hospital, mom? I thought I had swim practice and dad’s birthday dinner tonight?”
“I’m sorry, honey, but your Grandmom is in surgery, she has pancreatic cancer and she almost died.”

*Octoberish, 217*
“What did the doctor say about the growth on your uterus, mom?”
“….”
“I’m sorry, My favourite granddaughter, they say it’s cancerous.”

*October 30/November 22, 2018*
“While I have you both here, Uncle Stephan called. Pop pop went into the doctor today. He has Leukemia.”
“Great, thanks for the news, dad.”

How many times can someone possibly hear the word ‘Cancer’ in two years? How many people in one person’s family circle can die or be mutilated by the disease? How much pain and suffering can one family endure? Mother, grandfather, father, grandmother, wife, daughter, sister.

Anyone can fall victim. There is no known cure. There are too many variations. Too many possibilities. Too many people. I have watched as the disease has taken one family member and mutilated another. I’ve seen friends families get smaller, acquaintances break down crying on my shoulder because of something in relation. Trips canceled and never rescheduled because of new trips to doctors. People of immense faith and hope, integrated into the church loose a battle you wonder if it will ever truly be won.

In this time of pain and suffering, a part of our souls longs to call out to something in anger. We long to be comforted and feel a peace and safety that reached beyond that out own human minds can comprehend. And that is when against all rational thought, we call out to the Creator. The one who sometimes we blame but sometimes we trust to save the one afflicted.

Our God is a caring God. He gives us strength when we can’t go on, when we hear such painful words as “So-and-So has cancer”. Because when we turn to God, something can seem much better. Pain doesn’t go away, but suddenly we have strength. Fear doesn’t disappear, but then, we have peace. Anger dwells, but when we turn to God, we find Him in control.

Because few things are more terrifying than hearing the words “I have cancer”. But nothing is more healing than turning to God.

In times of deepest pain and sorrow we can turn to the only one who can wipe away all our tears.

In honor of you, Grandmom (passed away Thanksgiving, 2017), mom (now happy and healthy and still a great woman and mother).

~Of Stardust Veins

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